Running from the fear.

Last night I did the good thing and went to Racquetball. I felt much better for it despite the nagging headache that had followed me since yesterday morning's cry. So as is I feel much better today.

Last night I also watched Julie & Julia. It's one of those movies that makes me want to blog and write. Gives you hopes that somewhere out there some agent is reading my blog saying "This girl is freaking amazing! I need to represent her!"

So I went to bed thinking of my blog and my writing. I think, I am turning into a fair weather writer. (Proof, I think, since I didn't sit and write my inspiration, but just thought on it)

I haven't been able to work up the courage to write. I am on this precipice were I am happy, but know deep down I miss Andrew, and if I concentrate on missing him I will break down and be unable to function. I don't want that. I want to miss him, yes, cause if I don't we certainly shouldn't be getting married... but I want to still be able to enjoy life.

I want to write.

I thought that him leaving at the point I was in editing would be good. Would give me true emotions to pull from. And it should, does, can. But I am too scared to pull them out. I keep lying to myself saying that I am working up to it. But the honest truth is that I am too scared. It's too daunting.

So how do I get over this fear? Well for one I have to face it. *tries to put on tough face*

I have to get rid of my excuses. I have been the queen of excuses lately! I need to pull on my big girl pants and start editing this manuscript! It needs it. I need it!

How did you get over being intimidated by a scene or the emotions in it?