Lessons from NaNoWrimo

Nanowrimo. Oh Nanowrimo. You kicked my butt!

This was my first year writing Nanowrimo, and what did I learn? Some important things, some not so much. But it's more that I learned to appreciate what Nanowrimo does which made the biggest impact.

I wrote. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. It's been a long time since I've done that.

I'm also a hugely competitive person, so having other people's "scores" to compete against made me plow through faster.

On top of that, there's this huge support group to tap into, whether on the Nanowrimo.org forums, or Twitter. It was awesome. How many times did I search the #nanowrimo hashtag, just so I could give someone the "you can do it!" tweet, how many times I received them? Countless, but every one appreciated.  I also got advice when I was stuck, or when I had plot issues, etc. It was an untapped resource, one that sticks around a bit with the #amwriting hashtag, but is only at it's peak once a year. (Like a Christmas Cactus?)

Planning is everything. Actually it's not. I'm a seat of the pants type writer, but having a plan in place did give me a general idea of where I wanted to go. It also stopped me from forgetting where I was going, or getting seriously stuck.  I didn't follow it strictly, often my characters took me other places, the bad guys developed differently, etc so things just didn't go the way they were planned... but life rarely goes as planned and that, in my view, makes writing about life a lot more realistic.

I learned to put the blinders on and write. I used some tools, like Write-or-die, to push me into said mode. Everyone has to find their own way of writing. I used to think that music would help. Classical, or acoustic (no voices! please!) would get me into a mood, but I'd often get distracted. No I needed the silence. I needed to hear my thoughts loud and clear and have nothing distract them. I needed a padded cell for me to write in. Instead I made my husband wear headphones every time he was playing video games.

I took writing were I could. I will note that I wish I had done so more at home, and less at work. There are definitely times I felt a bit guilty, or almost got caught writing mid sex scene, that would have proved to be both super embarrassing and unhealthy for my career. When you have to write, you have to write, but there are some times it's just not appropriate. In stead I settled for making notes at work. That way I was still contributing but I wasn't wasting valuable work time.

Don't worry about editing. Everyone said that, hell I even took a chunk out of my WIP cause it blocked everything up. Yeah, not supposed to do that, but I did. I can't stand writing if there's red squiggles all over my word document. Another reason why Write or Die is so awesome (no spell check).  I ended up having to do a big ol' spell check at the end of each writing slot just so I could start the next time (without doing mounds of editing). Not editing is one of the hardest things for me to do, and it is often where I have gotten myself stuck. In past WIPs I have started writing, then stopped (normal) then when I start back up the next day I have to re read what I wrote the time before, which ends up getting edited as I go. So I end up with a couple seriously awesome all edited chapters, then some scrappy ones that came in a flurry, then more super edited ones... and so on and so forth. Then a hasty end because I really just want to edit some of those scrappy bits.

I gave myself a break. I started my Nano with a big leap. I went from the first day being at 2k, to jumping up to 10k the second day. I kept steady progress for the first week, and by the second I had already hit 20k. Two weeks is about all the hiatus I can take from life. It began to pour with problems and things that needed my attention. The next 2.5 weeks I wrote a couple of days each week, but no where near my first few spurts. I got it done, I finished the 50 k, but my ending needs a lot of work and is very hastily put together.  Pace yourself, I probably could have dealt better had I not excused myself from life for the first 2 weeks, of course life was going to come barreling in anyway, so maybe it was a good thing that I got that head start.

Do not alienate people. I am super competitive. My big jump in the beginning, yeah I was proud of it...but no need to rub people's faces in it. Near the end of November I noticed that the people I often talked to on Twitter about writing and other things and stopped responding or tweeting to me. I was a braggart! Now their slowly coming back around (i hope).

Once your done. Put it away for a bit. That's not learned but rather the consensus from a butt ton of people, writers and agents (not implying writers and agents aren't people..but their a special kind). Give your brain some time to think before you dive into frantic edits. Also, I will point out that at the end of November Nanowrimo comes December. Yes the time of gift giving, spending time with family, and getting a little bit too tipsy at social functions (wait that isn't just seasonal). 

A writer needs people to inspire, to give you insight to others lives, some new idea for characters, and infliction, etc. You need to then BE with people or at least be amongst them.  So enjoy your damn Christmas so you can add all those layers come the new year when you dive into those edits!

Oh, and a note to me next year: Do it! But plot a bit more in October! Have some preparation so that, that empty page sitting in front of you November 1 isn't so damn scary!

HELL YA!

My very productive non-nano weekend

This weekend I put off the Nano. Sure I could have written to 40k, but I didn't! I'm wishing I sort of had added to my word count though.

This past weekend my nieces were to come over again. Per usual every time they come over I have a project planned. This weekend had MANY projects planned.

1. I needed to finish my pillow, which is a gift for a friend. I hand embroidered, sewed and stuffed! And voila!

Because this fan has always been such a Beatles fan, it has lyrics from Blackbird on it, a song that particularly reminds me of her. I love the Gothic feeling of it. The white is not just plain white but rather a very faint floral (I had wanted a different pattern on the fabric, but just couldn't find it!). The back of the pillow (not shown) is a black on black, matte on shiny, damask type pattern. Very proud of it if I do say so myself! And that pillow sucked up a whole bag of stuffing! The pig!

After I finished the pillow, I still had hours left in my evening (not really, it was almost 10, but) we decided to continue on with projects! 

2. Home Made Epsom Bath Salts. This one is super duper easy. Basically you need jars, Epsom salt, food color (or the coloring for soap, which is what I used) and your choice of essential oils (again I used the one for soap...which could all be found at Michael's in handy little containers all in one area).

The steps are pretty easy. You measure, you mix in the coloring and the scent, then pour back into the jar.

The fun part is the decorating. Because the jars were cute on their own, not much had to be done.

I will note that I just sort of bought a ton of Epsom salts, 8 kg. 4 large mason jars only used half of one 4 kg container of Epsom salts. I had to buy 6 more jars from Walmart (the kind with the sealable pop latching lid) and that finished off 8kg, almost perfectly.

3. Tea Cup Candles.

This one I was looking forward to, but ended up taking almost an entire day to do! Usually crafts I plan take a couple hours and we're done, but not the candles. Also this one involved a lot of waiting and wasn't that great for doing with kids, as must of it the adults have to do as its dealing with hot wax.

PS: hot wax doesn't burn but it hurts like hell when you get it on you!

My sister got a giant box of candles for $5.00 at the auction, so we lucked out lots of candles to recycle. We separated candles into color. The girls would then take a hammer to a double bagged bag of one set of color, and try to break the candles off of the wicks. Then it was put them all in a pot that was sitting in another, larger, pot of boiling water (no direct heat). Then I would stir until melted and pour into the cups (which were already washed and ready) Then, while the wax is still hot and liquid, quickly put the wick in and make sure that it stands straight up.

I suggest doing the candles in layers. The first couple ones we finished turned out great, however, the more rushed I got (and the more quickly i filled the cups in) I noticed we would have them sinking in the middle. This probably has something do with the wax shrinking as it cooled, but either way it didn't look good. So do it in layers so you can fix any caving in.

4. Modge Podge! I don't think I need to give instructions for this, as almost everyone knows how to do it. The girls however had not, I instructed and found that one seemed to enjoy it, the other didn't really have an eye for the details (getting bubbles out) and was quickly moving to hang out with my husband and the video game.  I needed to change the wrapping for some decorative boxes into something less "birthday" and more "everyday". So we went about modge podging. I also found some ugly frames and changed them up a bit. One my niece did leopard print and took home, the other I absolutely loved, it had a shabby chic feeling to it with Haiku's on it from a book I found when I went thrift shopping for my tea cups!



Love this one!



Putting them all together to show off how much we had done (and so I could share with you), it looks like we certainly accomplished a lot this weekend! Plus there was a family bon fire we went to and we got to see some of our cousins again!

November - a month of deadlines

This past year I have month's of panic, and grief and happiness, of new beginnings and endings. But I have yet to have a month of deadlines, until now.

November has been here for 2 weeks now (well almost). With is came NaNoWriMo! This is my first year trying it out. I found out a month too late last year, so I'm pushing my way through it this year!

It was hard to get back into the swing of writing a novel. I haven't done it in almost a year. So it's a bit difficult finding my way again.

I usually am a write by the seat of my pants type of writer, but I decided to actually do some planning this time around. I wrote out what I wanted each chapter to accomplish, the general timeline, etc.

The problem with this is that when I write, I don't write in chapters. Sure I add scene breaks that can later be made into chapters. But generally I just keep writing till I'm done. I worry about how to separate after. There are many edits between here and having chapters ready.

So I've been writing a lot. The first week I catapulted over my 10,000 word mark the second day! It was amazing and felt so good. It has been pretty stead since then, I average 3,205 words a day - this is including days were I haven't written at all, which in the 10 days since this has started includes only 2 days. Not true, one of those days I wrote a single sentence.

My current standing is at 32,054 words. This is above the projection by almost double, but I still feel that deadline looming. I have always wanted to get things done first and be able to relax at the end for final thoughts, revisions, etc (this went for homework when I was younger too. I was a horrible over achiever..until I found out I could skip).

The other deadlines I deal with? Honeymoon in 1 month (minus 1 day). We have to save money, now we need to crunch until we can't so we wont be stressed about it on the honeymoon.

With the honeymoon we also need passports. Andrew's birth certificate is on its way, so hopefully by next week our passports will be applied for and on their way to us.

The next deadline? Christmas! It's not that far away, which may come as a surprise to many of you. Because of all the money we are saving for the honeymoon, Christmas is on an extra tight budget this year. As such that means a lot of deal searching and home made gifts.

My nieces are coming over this weekend and we've got a stack of crafts for Christmas that I have been dying to try. Tea Cup Candles is one.

Some crafts need my husband's skilled hands as it involves wood work.

Others involve only my own hand- such as the pillow I am beginning embroidery on. A surprise gift for a friend far away, that I need done sooner then later so I can ship it to her.

So November is a buys month, don't be too worried if you don't hear from me that much until the new year - I'll be writing and crafting and hoping neither cause the end of me!

How's your November turning out?

Honeymoon, here we come!

It's official. Andrew and I are going to Mexicooooooo!

We have bought our flights. The hotel's booked. Dad is arranging traspo so no one takes advantage of us plain weary travelers. (did i mention the flights are only 6 hours long! sweet!) We are actually going.

When we found out dad was giving us a week at their timeshare for our honeymoon I was ecstatic, but at the same time I didn't think we would actually be able to save up the money for flights. See every time we save up money something happens. We have had such a run of bad money luck that it is hard to think of planning for anything fun. This time around my budgeting was a bit smarter and thanks to some gifts we've been able to purchase the tickets!

Now we just need our passports. Yeah should have done that first. But things have a way of getting left to the last minute. Of course we could be heading to Surrey now to get said passport, except my husband had a penchant for washing his birth certificate a couple years ago, and as such he needs a new one. Luckily that also does not take too long.

So we are going to go on our honeymoon to the Ocean Maya resort in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. Dad has talked to us and told us a couple of things we *must* do and what we should avoid.

Some things we know we must try: Ziplining, Swimming with dolphins, maybe the cave diving(?), getting completely schickered on the beach (we just watched Robin Hood: Men in Tights, so excuse the yiddish references), and getting really really tanned.

Have any other ideas?

So with to go.

We have a lot to accomplish and get done.
1. Andrews Birth Certificate
2. Passports
3. Find bathings suits (boss suggested a brand: Panache as they are good for larger busted women)
4. Learn some spanish (besides how to ask for 2 beer)

Do I need to get vaccinized for anything?

Help a first time traveller out. What shoudl we do to prepare for our week in paradise?

No pumpkin goes unwasted!

Sunday was a day of pumpkins. Of carving and roasting and baking pumpkins. I undertook to try some training in the art of motherhood by trying out some recipes and fun with my nieces. Also, I undertook to get my husband some father training. I joke about this, but in truth he claims he has never carved a pumpkin! Can you believe that?! Well now he can not say that!

We started with carving the pumpkins. There was four of us, so it made sense that we have four pumpkins. Andrew carved the whole in the top, and away we went! **Note of advise from my dad: Make a notch in the "lid" of the pumpkin so that it matches up in the correlating spot on the pumpkin. So that when you put the lid back on, you don't have to rotate it a bajillion times, you can just shove it in where the notches match up. **

 Of course with pumpkin carving comes the guts. Save them. You will see why later. In the mean time you can play with them.

Carving the inside of a pumpkin out can be hard work. make sure its all clean. From our trial and error method, and my own lifetime of experience in this, you must carve a bit in with your spoon. This also works great for your stock pile of pumpkin guts. Yay more!

Sometimes it's good to get a second opinion on the cleanliness of your pumpkin.... and if it's not clean enough... well there's uncle to do it for you!

Then you get to decorate your pumpkin! Two options for us where: decorate by hand, or decorate by printing one off. My youngest niece first chose the first option and started drawing on her pumpkin. Pencil works fine for this.

I, however, chose to be lazy/take advantage of someone else's work, and chose to use a free printable design i Googled. Search words I used: Pumpkin pattern, pumpkin patter jack, pumpkin pattern free, pumpkin patter tall (I had a tall pumpkin!)

 I started out cutting each individual piece out then trying to fit them properly on my pumpkin. Sounded good, right? Yeah until i had to tape it onto the pumpkin!

In the end what works better is taping the page onto your pumpkin. Now because a pumpkin is not flat (duh) you have to "mold" the page to the pumpkin. by this I mean rip strips in it so that they can overlap.. sort of like wrapping a round gift. ...well actually that's exactly what it's like.


The next job is to cut the pumpkin. This is better handled by those who are legally liable or can take such liabilities, in other words - adults. Andrew did most of the cutting for the two girls - I just did our own pumpkins.  I followed suit after him, once I realized that my way of cutting didn't work so well.

At this point I should point out what tools we were using to cut. An old steak knife, two paring knives, an old peeler...and that was it **If you have the option to use a kit.. i would suggest it!**. I took the steak knife, Andrew took the paring knife..and we were off. I started trying to cut right through immediately, and just ended up taking forever. I then moved onto Andrew's way of it: which was make shallow cuts in the entire outline of your piece. In our situation where there was paper over top, the paper eventually crumbled away, but the lines were clearly etched. From then on it was much easier to cut the pieces out.


 It is a good idea to have a supervisor when children are handling knives. That should go without saying. My nieces are in their early teens and tweens, therefore handling a knife should be a skill they have acquired. Andrew let them do the easier parts - this was a good idea. Luckily no injuries were caused and they cut that pumpkin like champions! I on the other hand managed to stab myself 3 times.

After the pumpkin is carved, you must take pictures with it with the appropriate amount of pride!

 The next step (if you are carving more then a couple days before Halloween  is to make sure your pumpkin lasts until Halloween. Sometimes this is as simple as not putting your pumpkin out on the front stoop until the evening of, less vagrant teens get it.... other times you need to protect against mold and decay. Since I am not too worried about the vagrant teens (being that most of them seem to think we are drug dealers or thugs, being that we have 4 vehicles...1 of which is an old Cadillac the other is some massive Buick), the only thing I felt need to protect against was mold and decay. This is solved by giving your pumpkins a bit o' the spa treatment.

Bath time it is! Though i wouldn't be joining them! Your pumpkins should go in a bath of water and bleach. I added a ton of bleach to smell (not so smart i think as the insides started turning white.) I imagine all you need is a cup or less..however I always go a bit overboard and just estimated with a couple glugs of the bottle.

I left them in there for a while as we went to go work on the our pumpkin remains.

You take the meat of the pumpkin and put in a dish and bake it like you would squash. For me that was put it in a large pan and cover in oil and put in the oven at 400 F. I didn't time it, i just went by feel. When it was mushy I was done. Every once in a while I would mix it around a bit to make sure that it wasn't burning and to check the consistency.


I threw out the stringy brains of the pumpkin. I didn't need them - and I couldn't think of a good enough use. I'm sure there are plenty, and there are plenty of websites that help you with that. I do know that if you wanted, you could make a puree out of it that would be similar to anything you get out of a can (well except that what you get out of a can is more squash then pumpkin). Baby food was one option for the puree - however I don't have a baby....so that kind of ruled that out.

For the seeds the first thing we needed to do was clean them. We set up stations. We cleaned and filled both sinks with warm water and added a lot of salt.  We then set out clean towels for drying.



All the seeds went into the first sink. It was then moved by quality control into the second sink. quality control needed to check to make sure there was 'no orange'. This meant that there had to be no pumpkin guts attached to the seeds at all.


The second sink would have a second quality control person who would double check and put the seeds into a bowl for the third person to place on the towel. It was only when we were almost done that I figured out we could add a strainer into the mix and it was make it a hell of a lot easier, vs. constantly wading into salt water.

The seeds would go in layers on the towels. One layer thick.

Once all the seeds are down you can press on the layers of towels and seeds to attempt to dry them out faster...

From then on you butter up your pans and clean up your sinks.

Once pans are buttered you can lay down your seeds, again one layer thick only.

They can go in the oven. I was still cooking the pumpkin meat, so they went in at 400 F. Watch them closely... they can "pop" but also you do not want to burn them. How crunchy you want them depends on your own preference.

Take them out every once in a while and move them around, attempting to get both sides equally done.

While your seeds are roasting you can get whatever seasoning you want. some are happy with salt. I prefer a bit more flavor. I found popcorn seasoning worked wonders! dill pickle is a favorite of mine, as well as all dressed! We had a couple ziploc bags with our flavors. Make sure to label them!  **Note: premixed seasons or "old faithful" seasons are better then attempting to make your own out of, say, steak spices...that doesn't taste too good. trust us.**

Once the seeds are roasted, divide evenly and add to the bags. Now is a good time for music and dancing cause you can shake your booties off getting the seasoning all over these seeds!

Then you eat!

Or in my case, you finish making pumpkin pie. Take whatever peel is left on your chunks of the meat of the pumpkin and puree. From then I added all the ingredients I needed for pumpkin pie and continued on with my normal recipe. Again, you can find many different recipes online. I had enough for three pumpkin pies. I only made two (cause that's how many pie crusts I had) and have put the other in a sealed container to make pie later.

Finally! To finish off your/my day of pumpkin making extravaganza, you need to make sure all pumpkins look good. So here is the finished product, equipped not with candles, but those fake ones that won't cause fires! You can get them real cheap at Walmart around Halloween. I got a pack of 6 for under $5.

 

Smoke Free 365!

Yesterday was my one year anniversary for quitting smoking! Yay! I have been smoke free for 366 days!

It seems, simultaneously, that I never smoked, and that I just quit!

Quitting is easy now. I say it as an active verb because it always will be. Sure it seems easy now, but when you get a couple drinks in you - smoke smells a hell of a lot better, especially after a long, hard day. So it is always something to work. It's now almost first nature, but there are time the craving comes up and pounces - now it is easier to combat.

When I first quit smoking was the hardest, everyone will say that. I felt like my chest was caving in - that no breath I took could be big enough, had that burn. I was shaky, anxious, bitchy, cry-ey...all kinds of moods.

The first time I quit smoking there was a five minute spam where I literally went through a huge range of emotions. I was fine, laughing with my husband (then boyfriend), then I got angry, stormed off to the bedroom, punched the wall cause I missed the light switch, then proceeded to go into the bathroom to bawl  eyes out! Don't worry there was no damage to the wall, I can't really punch.  But I was moody.

This time when I quit smoking I did it for me. It was time. You will never be able to quit until you are ready. I was finally ready on October 17. The day my husband (then boyfriend) came back from his annual hunting trip. I planned it over the weekend to be a surprise to him. (Andrew hates smoking!) He knew what he was in for, though, because he'd been through me quitting smoking at least 2 times. I was moody and very hard to deal with. But this time I was ready. It made all the difference.

I have quit before using spitz and I have quit before using prescription medication. Sure the cravings were less when I used the medication, but when I weaned myself off the meds - they came back. I hadn't built myself up. When I quit, cold turkey, no help - the cravings went away faster and they went away stronger. I suddenly didn't want to smoke. I didn't like the smell.

It helped that I no longer had smoking around me. My sister in law (who I used to commute to work with) moved to Alberta, and I was at a new job where the only other person there was a non-smoker. I literally had no interactions with smokers aside from pedestrians. I avoided some people in my life for the first month because they were smokers. My best friend and my mother in law - both smokers I loved smoking with, both people I had to avoid.

Once I could easily go around those people it was easy! I didn't want a smoke, I didn't like the idea of it, and my body enjoyed breathing easier. I found myself putting on weight, but it wasn't an overt amount (i had previously put on a ton of weight, so the little bit extra from quitting didn't change much).

Now I have no cravings, except for those rare times - and those go away as soon as the thought is formed.

So yay for me and my anniversary!

Now I can concentrate, this year, on being healthier in a different way. Any suggestions?

Sad September

This September has not necessarily been a pleasant one. There have, yes, been pleasant moments, but overall the bad has greatly outweighed the positive.
Now to be clear, I don’t mean that bad as in "it was just a crappy month", I mean bad as in "how many disasters can one family withstand"

September started out fine, then the week of the 12^th came around. My uncle (my aunts husband) was in a tractor accident. That struck us all in shock as he seemed a person least likely to be in such an accident. An air of confidence around machinery often wafted from him. He was always smiling (such a big grin!). I know everyone says of the dead, that they were so full of life, and that was even more so with him.

I did not know him well, so I will not lie and say I grieve for him. I do grieve for the loss of life, but I more grieve for my aunt. As a newlywed myself, I cannot imagine the emotions that were and are running through her. I wanted so badly to take away her pain, but this is a time where no one can do that.

That week, as we were all recovering from this shock, came the next - my Oma had a stroke. This time my grief and sadness was centered on many people, of course my Oma but also our family. My Aunt, who just lost her husband, my youngest aunt - who always seemed to need her mother the most, my cousin - who spent the most time with her, my mom - who was always the strong one...I always feel I am left to be the strong one, and how many times I wish for my mom to be able to help me with that load.

Bad things happen in threes, is what I was told, my mothers aunt, (my great aunt?) Had a fall in California, as well during that week. She, like my Oma was , is strong stock and is making a recovery.

My Oma has had Alzheimer's for a few years now, and though we have had many moments with her since then that were truly with her it often felt like we were only with her shell. I don’t know how many times she referred to me as my mother, or a friend from her childhood. Or refer to my mom as Bep, her sister.

The family rallied together to see her right after it happened. Staying by her bedside and giving her nurturing strokes, love, and kisses - as she had done to all of us throughout our lives. The role switch was not lost on me, and I felt it a perfect balance to be able to comfort someone who had given so much of that comfort to all of us. The second day she woke a bit - and got progressively better from there. She would look at each of us and widen her eyes and say "Hi Darling" and love you’s. It was astonishing to see someone who, had virtually no recollection of us before (that I recall) to suddenly know each and every one of her grandchildren, and even great grandchildren!

It seemed a miracle, and perhaps it was one. After that she went back down hill almost to the point she was at right after her stroke. It was a roller coaster ride and the doctor warned us to be prepared. I could not make it out for a week, though I had reports every night from my youngest aunt and mother (who were both diligently at her bed side). She had a day where she was very huggy and kissy, another were she didn’t react at all. And then this morning, after a week of waiting, she passed at 3 a.m. Mom says it was peaceful and that she was comfortable, well as much as one can be, I imagine.

The thing is, I expected it. We all did. At a certain point you know that your loves ones cannot last or will be taken from you. It sounds bad, but after her stroke I wished she would go quietly and quickly. It is not because I didn’t want my Oma. For I did. I wanted my Oma. But she had been mostly gone years ago. She wasn’t the same woman who would make fish faces at us when she wanted a kiss, or always have candies in her purse, or such interesting conversation that made you think "damn Oma is cool!" or even swearing at us in Dutch. No, I had lost her a while ago - and I had mourned her loss, long ago. So I wanted her to stop suffering. To me, I always thought that she knew she had Alzheimer's. Had she been blissfully unaware of her condition, I might have been OK. But I knew she had moments where she knew. And to live something you feared so much, as she did losing her memory, to being dependant....I just couldn’t stomach continuing that.

Now that she is gone, I realize that some hope has died with her. For no matter how strong, how logical we think we are...there is still hope. Hope that Oma, my Oma, would come back, that she would look at me with eyes full of knowledge and light, she would sigh in dutch, as she often did, and say something ridiculous that made me laugh. She would flirt with my husband and make us a cheese sandwich as she always did (the best!). I hoped she would come back, though I never voice this hope, for I knew how illogical it was, how it could and should not be able to happen...but I hoped regardless. Now that she is gone, that hope is gone too...and with that a small part of my childhood that belongs to her.

I am happy for her passing in a way I cannot feel guilty about. Whatever the after life holds. Whether it be heaven, reincarnation, ghosts, spirits, a second dimension (I refuse to accept nothing) - she is happy. She is now, as my mom would say, no longer trapped in her mortal body, she is who we all remember - that woman with the light and fire and so much sass.

I am happy that I had my moments with her, that no one can take away. Memories from the past and memories while at her bedside. Were we looked in each other’s eyes. I couldn’t help the tears forming in mine and I saw in her own. And I knew everything would be fine - for Oma was there. She comforted me, as I think she did all of us, that look told me she loved me, very much, that she was ready for the end of this stage, it told me half pieces of advise I don’t think I will fully know till I have to give that look, it told me things I don’t yet understand, and may never...it told me all I wish I could have had the chance to talk to her about before. Before.


But she knew I loved her, that we all did. She was enveloped in the love of her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren - her family and those who have become like family. What more could anyone wish for.



"Every goodbye is the birth of a memory." - Dutch Proberb



Ego v. Fact

You will find that sometimes life just doesn't go your way. Sometimes life sticks it's middle finger up at you and tells you to eff off, among other things. Last night felt like that kind of night. I was prepared (before  my big hissy fit) to write a blog about giving up dreams and what not - and then ended up sleeping on it. I wake up this morning to realize that, once again, I was glad I waited. 

My big recycled glass painting didn't sell. What happened was we had two small bids, then to up it, my friend added a bid hoping that the other person would add more. However, they didn't. So I was in big self pity mode because no one wanted to pay more then $25 for it. This, I equated, was my value. 

So I was down and out thinking that there is no point to dreaming, that I was stupid for believing I ever had an ounce of talent, and so on and so forth. Then I went to sleep after crying in my closet. Yes, i know. Childish.

I woke up, still thinking it sucked how it didn't sell for more, but realizing that #1. I didn't want to give up my dreams; and #2. the event wasnt about me, so suck it up buttercup!

The event did what it was supposed to and raised tons of money for Anita, so she could stop worrying about bills; and heal! It was a fun event, and I should have enjoyed that...however, I was stuck with my own ego. 

The painting didn't sell there - however there is a possibility of it selling elsewhere, of maybe doing a facebook auction, or even just selling it normally. 

My mom had said it best (though at the time I didn't want to hear it): that I am still getting better. I have a skill, one that should be worked on, but its a skill nonetheless, that I should be proud of.  it may not have been everyone's cup of tea, can I really expect that? No. 

There was more inspirational words, but right this morning I can't remember much beyond my embarrassing hissy fit that proceeded this. 

I have had my dreams dashed, this is not one of those times. However, my ego is still a bit sore - but I will survive it and get better so that one day my ego may be large enough to withstand such events and self induced pain. 

Lackluster Life

I've spent a lot of time this week trying to think of what to write on the blog. To be honest, my life has been less then spectacular this past week - so inspirational blogs have been less then forthcoming.

I've finally started to notice the daily dog walks paying off with the slight lessening of my gut. Weight hasn't dropped though, I am still the same - however I think I'm starting to develop muscle (probably from moving and still unpacking) so next comes the weight loss...right?

I've also noticed that I am really jealous. Not of other women, but of babies. I've always known that I wanted to be a momma, and to lots of little ones. Andrew and I have talked about having kids, and after last year's miscarriage, we decided that it's going to happen soon (next 5 years) but not just yet. We said "after the wedding" now it "after the honeymoon" and my mind is so torn between yes and no. We are young, only 23 and 22. We are not ready financially (but I know so many that make it being worse off then us). There's still so much I want to do before I have kids. Of course I realize that I can just as well do many of those things with kids... so it's kind of a void point. But then we have the yes's. We want one. We would be great parents. I may not be able to carry full term, so better start trying now. It takes a bit to get pregnant (statistically). I'm almost 24, which means it's the age I wanted to have a baby. We're not getting any younger - and I want the energy to enjoy my children. I'm super curious about what he/she would be like...

Yes I realize that the few points against are stronger then the points for...however nothing can get past the "I want" which is turning into a feeling resembling need.

Everyone has opinions on when someone should get pregnant. Many relatives tell me I'm too young. However, 23/24 is a respectable age to have a child. I am married, we both have a steady income and I would get maternity leave. I've also been told we should wait to buy a house. Do you know how hard it is to buy a house? It's hard. The only way to buy a house these days is that: someone has an incredibly high income (ie: working on the rigs, high up in a labour trade, work multiple jobs, etc), your have help (parents, family), or you win the lottery. I am sure there are people who have managed to save enough - but really, how often do you find young people, starting out, making under $18 an hour, able to save enough after their bills to get the 10% needed for a down payment on a mortgage? Yeah.. not often. Yeah, I know I'm a bit pessimistic.

So in conclusion, I have been in a crappy whiny mood.

On top of everything Laine has scratched the walls. Jumping up and digging his claws in to the drywall. I thought the move would stop that. Obviously not. So my solution is to put things in front of it, when I can't well that's where the tricks start. Clean with bleach (apparently cats have sensors on their feet and those leave a scent that says to scratch again), then put tin foil over it (cats apparently don't like the feeling), and see if it works to keep him away. If that doesn't work then it's to buy a spray that is sort of like when they scent by rubbing against things. Apparently cats don't want to scratch where they scent.. so that's the next one. I['m hoping there are more suggestions, but if not our last possible step is to declaw him. I am really against it, but judging by how badly he took the change when we moved - I don't think he could handle new owners, let alone being without his sister. I don't think I would handle it well either to be honest.

So, have any suggestions?

The Move



All packed and ready to go!

 I hate moving for multiple reasons, many of which you will see if you are on Twitter.

Packing - sucks

Not having your stuff easily accessible - sucks.

This box is just wine and alcohol related glasses.... i don't think its healthy to have a box that large for just those things.



The urge to drink - well it doesn't suck, but it isn't healthy.



important things are unpacked.



However the moving part is done. Now comes the unpacking. Ugh the unpacking. I've already done most of our closet (need to find the shoes...wherever they are), bathroom is done, bedroom is mostly done, office/library is done (well my portion.), and the kitchen is mostly done. However there are 3 important rooms that aren't. The living room, family room, and the garage/exercise room/studio/mancave. 

So unpacking is going as expected.



We have started taking the dog for walks 2-3 times a day now that he doesn't have 10 acres to run around on. Neo (the dog) has gotten a lot better behaved on walks, and we are starting to get exercise. Though i am often tempted to just not go, I do. That's the point right? Though I could reason that with all the lifting and stair climbing I've done in the past 2 days that I have had more then enough exercise...but I also know we have eaten out for almost every meal. This morning was our first time eating a meal in the house...and it was a bagel.

hiding under the bed.

My cats are not accepting the change as well as I would like. No.1 they haven't moved since they were kittens. No.2 they saw the dog. they are now petrified to go downstairs in case he see them from outside. No.3 it was a really hot move. i had them in their large cat carrier with a bad of ice at the bottom for them to lay on and a small cup of water for them. Bella has adapted a bit better, despite actually having a run in with the dog, and is still the more curious of the two, however, Laine has just barely made the few steps out of under the bed...though yesterday he did get himself trapped in the living room (because the dog could see him near the stairs, he therefore couldn't go up them...).

We also don't have cable or Internet. Not for lack of trying though. Turns out that ALL of the outlets in the house are "dead". Therefore somebody else has to be called to get those working and then they can install our Internet and TV. Ugh, I don't know how long I can handle not catching up on my True Blood episodes.

That's another reason I hate moving. I still haven't seen last week's True Blood, and now I haven't seen yesterday's either.

But being in Langley is nice. The 20 minutes commute through town is much better then the hour through 3 towns. Getting home and not being exhausted, I imagine, will be even better (though I'll have to wait till the moving exhaustion goes away, to test that).



Another cool thing about moving (especially about moving with mom) is that she has all this random stuff. Okay, for the most part that's a negative, cause alot of it is shit she hasn't seen or used since she moved in with her husband, but some of it is cool. Like I went through a box and found my old sketch pad from high school! So cool! I also found an animorphs book, specifically the one I mentioned in my last blog about Book Influences. I noticed, going through the old sketch pad, that I was actually good. Alot of it was romantic, a little anime, and a little sexual - typical me in high school (that sounds a bit weird though), but it was good. i used to sketch often, and I spent much more time sketching then I do now, now it is just a outline for what I will paint (unless it's chalk and charcoal, but even then, that's a different kind of sketch). I'll scan (when comp and Internet up and running) some to show you all. But I have decided I should start sketching again. Especially faces. The last sketch was this face that had the eyes, and lips shaded, to me, beautifully. It was nobody in particular, a little bit anime, but I saw it and loved it. So I have decided to start sketching again...well once unpacking is done.



The bed has been in the same place for 3.5 years...clearly.



Also, speaking of old art - i tracked down my (really) old DeviantArt account. I used to play around with graphics and changing pics...you can see my old gallery here. It's kind of amusing to me.



Also, I had good news that I made my first sale on Etsy. albeit a bit confusing because they wanted a commission, so I didn't know if they were paying for that, or if it was for the charcoals and then they wanted to discuss the possibility of a commission later.

Next weekend will be cleaning up the old apartment. It has been vacuumed, but the walls still need to be washed, as well as the Fridge, etc. Carpets need to be cleaned - ugh.

Almost done. My mantra for the past 2 weeks. It's almost true.

Book Influence

I'm slacking at work, reading twitter trends, and finding the #bookinfluence hashtag interesting as all get out! It made me start thinking about books that influenced my life and how they did so.

Of course the first book I read had a huge impact - however I don't know what it is.

I know the first romance I ever read, my aunt or cousin gave me. It was "To Chase a Ghost" I'm not sure who it's by. I googled it and couldn't find the right one. It's a silhouette novel. It's also packed in a box ready for the move. I still keep it. It's like keeping the first piece of art I had an offer on to buy. Reminds me of my "roots".

Now maybe we could say my "slight" obsession with paranormal romance came from that, or it could have come from the series of books I read in elementary school about shape shifting kids. Those were Animorphs by K.A. Applegate. I also read the R.L. Stine books, but scaring myself was never that high on my list.

Aside from influencing my own reading choice - books have influenced more.

I have always fallen back on books in my greatest times of need. I can remember very specific books that have gotten me through parts of my life.

My first break up ever! - the book that got me through that was the over dramatic Stephanie Meyer book : New Moon. And before anyone gives me grief - this was when it FIRST came out (yes what convenient timing) and I was in my teens.

Body issues: Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner. I never felt fat after reading that (perhaps I should read it again since my self confidence has plummeted), and always told everyone to read it...though I don't think anybody else i suggested it to got all I did out of it.

Love: ah love, all the problems I went through, the growing pains Andrew and I struggled, all could be fixed with a book. Love Walked In by Marisa De Los Santos gave me hope for love after a tough break. The Penny Tree by Holly Kennedy made me persevere and believe I would be fine.

Of course I could always find a book that was specific to my situation. Oh I was in love with my best friend in high school who treated me like a sister? Well there's a Nora Roberts for that. Oh, my boyfriend is harry and slightly aggressive, there's a Laurel K Hamilton for that. Ok. the last one didn't really happen. And don't tell Andrew I called him harry.

I can remember spending more time reading then partying. Probably a god send to my mother, though ultimately more expensive.

When I was trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up - my choices would always bend with what book I was reading. During high school it was almost all Nora Roberts, so you can almost go down the new releases for 2002-2006 -and tell what kind of career I wanted. Architect, Lawyer, House flipper, Librarian, Gallery Curator/Artist, Entrepreneur - i still want that.

I have eaten foods on the whim of the characters I was reading. I have researched new religion, food, decor, etc because of a theme in a book. I have painted paintings because the image of art described in a novel where so strong in my mind.

Hell, if we really want to get down to it, even my accessories are influenced by my reading. I am never without a purse large enough for a hardcover.

So what books influenced you?