Struggles

We've been in the new year 4 weeks and some change. I feel like those 4 weeks have been an uphill battle since my resolutions were decided.

Weight loss has not come, though I feel smaller, it's still not showing any difference on the scale. Getting active hasn't happened. My addiction to Netflix and Bones has kept my ass firmly planted on the couch instead of where it belongs, on a treadmill or elliptical trainer.

I've been so tired that I haven't wanted to move from said couch. Or move anywhere. Or do anything. Blah.

I'm basically just rolling from place to place like a human Eeyore. It's sad. Very sad. I admit it.

I've started drinking lots more water and chewing on ice much more throughout the evening. During the 2nd week of January I was having problems with constant snacking. I've turned that around to constant snacking on ice. I do find myself less "hungry", and it just proves that I'm not hungry, but rather (like most people) dehydrated.

But I know I need to get my but in gear and do some exercise. We missed the deadline for some of the ones we wanted to take this month, so now it's on the search for something we can do that is fun, cheap (ish) and also exercise.

Topping our list is Lasertag (which can get it expensive), bike riding (if the weather clears up a bit... not likely), dancing (other businesses and people offer dance lessons, though there are dance nights we are still interested in), and bowling. Anything else you can think of?

I've also been thinking about my morning routine. Because I'm going to bed so late from watching TV, I need to start going to be earlier and making use of my Xbox Kinect and the fitness programs I have. if I get up early enough, there's no one in the house, and I can yoga my way into a (hopefully) more energized morning. Which maybe, just maybe, will get me out of these doldrums I have found myself in.

Cross your fingers for me that I actually do all this that I'm talking about - because right now I'm struggling just thinking about thinking about it.

Diet Dilemas

It's been a week since my last blog post about the #2012diet. It's going as well as any diet can be expected - I'm doing it, I'm not enjoying it....and there's no difference.

I know I can't expect a lot - I mean I'm not really exercising.

But I had a conversation with my husband last night that in a round about way talked about all the issues I'm having with my weight, how it effects not just how I see myself and how I feel, but what and who I am.

I feel like an A-Sexual person when I'm this weight. Aside from just feeling ugly and unattractive, the sheer exhaustion (of crating around my giant body?) has me way too tired to do anything.

Well that's how I feel. That's not what it is.

I know damn well that if I was to go exercise today, tomorrow morning I would have more energy so that I could do it again tomorrow, and so on and so forth.

But finding that magic key to get me up and at 'em that first time is almost impossible. Not because I can't find it, but because I'm battling myself.

I've talked to Andrew and we're going to try some of the community classes - I think first up is Taiko drumming. It's mixed up with some fitness, but it sounds damn cool. Their not that expensive for the classes, and it gives us a) something to do to get us fit, b) something to do together that is fun c) gets us out meeting new people. All things we need to do. High five for planning this! Now to do!

What do you do to get your butt off the couch and into the world?

#2012Diet

From my previous post about new years resolutions, you may have guessed that I want and need to lose weight. I have many excuses for my weight gain, why I eat junk, etc.

I have perfected the sarcastic "no, I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat." Which ties in another part of my weight loss needs. I have read that your fertility goes down the more obese you are. at a BMI of 30 it starts going down, at BMI 35 your fertility decreases 43 %. My BMI is 34.9. Yeah, if we want to start a family I'm going to have to tone down. Aside from that is once I reached the 200 lb limit I felt my body change. No not just get bigger, but hormonally. Suddenly I'm too tired, my periods aren't regular, I'm moody as hell - and none of this is because I'm pregnant, but because I'm fat. I've been battling the hormones for the past year, and I've  had enough- there's only so much the doctor's can do, when my size simply resets everything they try!

I have disliked my body for two years. I try not to vocalize it. Why don't I vocalize it? Well because then people call call me on it.

Last year around this time I started exercising and eating well when Andrew went to Alberta to find work. It's a lot easier to be healthy when you're on your own. You have more time, you don't have to worry about another's nutrition needs. When Andrew came back, that stopped for me

I'm hoping to kick start it again, but this time with Andrew home. This is already working out to be a challenge. One main reason is scheduling. I come home from work around 5 pm. That leaves plenty of time for dinner and work out, however I need to work out before dinner (otherwise there's no way I'm going to the gym). However, mom is home and though lately she hasn't been feeling up for dinner, but rather snacks - Andrew still needs dinner after the long hard days he puts in. So I feel almost stuck. And yes, I know he is perfectly capable of making his own dinner - but I enjoy having dinner with him, or at least the ideology of eating dinner as a family.

So far my plan for eating has been pretty simple. Stay as close to 1200 calories as possible. I keep track of this with an App on my phone. So far this week I have stayed pretty close in there.

Another key part is making sure I'm not eating out during my work day. I consider my work day to start when I leave the house, so that means no breakfast at McDonalds (which has prev been my downfall) and no running to Tim Hortons on the bank run for lunch. I'm getting up earlier and making breakfast, and bringing lunches to work - even simple ones like Oatmeal. It's considered a breakfast food, but it's enough for me.

The hardest part, aside from skipping my egg mcmuffins, is not snacking at night. I didn't realize how easily I got into the habit of just snacking on crap all evening long, during the holidays. Well I did, and that's hard to break. Easier when I'm eating dinner later.

So to conclude, what I am doing to help my weight loss right now is: Eating breakfast at home, bringing lunch to work - low cal, no snacking after dinner on crap food.

What do I need to do: Start exercising (after work before evening) which will push dinner later and hopefully solve the snacking problem. Continue logging calorie intake and (hopefully) watch the lbs shed!

Have any tips and tricks for your weight loss? What has helped you curve snacking?

New Years Resolutions

The past few years I have succeeded in the few resolutions I have made.
At the end of 2010 I made the resolution to remain smoke free (I had quit that year) and I completed that goal.

This year my resolution is a bit more .. well more. My list is a lot bigger and a lot more in depth. Our lives are heading in the direction I want, but not fast enough. So this year I really want to push it forward. With mom's diagnosis it puts a bit of a crimp in the plans, but we are going to get through it. So here's to starting the list! Let's see where I end up this time next year.

Deirdre’s 2012 Resolutions

1.   Lose weight, goal= 150 lbs or less (ideal 135 lbs [potentially not possible in 2012. 2013?]):
                  a.      200 lbs

b.      190 lbs

c.       180 lbs

d.      170 lbs

e.       160 lbs

f.       150 lbs

2.    Healthy eating:

a.      Make fast food a rarity.

b.      Home cooked meals

c.       Cut out one item that is bad for you:

                                                           i.      Sugar

                                                           ii.      Caffeine

                                                           iii.     White bread

                                                           iv.      Red meat

3.     Healthy lifestyle:

a.       Consistent gym use

b.      Run:

                                                          i.      30 sec straight

                                                          ii.      1 minute straight

                                                          iii.      2 minutes straight

                                                          iv.      5 minutes straight

4.     Arts and crafts

a.       Art:

                                                             i.      Take an art class

                                                            ii.      Push recognition of own Art forward

                            1.      Goal: 120 Likes on Facebook Page

                            2.      More commissions

                            3.      Gallery/coffee shop showing.

b.      Organize craft supplies in labeled bins.

c.       Complete wedding scrapbook

d.      Start year by year scrapbook (reference Facebook for picture dates)

5.     Money and savings

a.      Save (ideally) $500 each month.

b.      Pay off credit cards and maintain 25% balance.

c.      Pay off major debts:

                  d.      Save for family vacation

e.       Have 2010 and 2011 taxes completed

6.    Friends

a.       Make new friends and network with people with similar interests (art, reading, writing, etc)

b.      Make larger efforts to enrich the relationships I already have.

7.     Family

a.      Keep close. Don’t let another death remind you that family is important

b.      Communicate and spend more time with Kendra and Ethan. Would like to know my nephew.

c.       Have the girls over more often.

d.      Add to the family

                  e.       Try to bridge the gap between Grandma and self

f.       Extend more contact with Opa

g.      Try to arrange more regular trips to see relatives.

h.      More common phone calls with Dad

8.    Be the wife Andrew deserves, the daughter Mom deserves, and the friend my Family and Friends deserve.

Summary of 2011

2011 Has been a year of immense highs, immense lows, it has been happiness, birth, begins, death and endings. It has been a full year, if no other description suffices.

January 2011 was when I started this blog. I wanted to network for writing, write about my journey to write. I wanted to do so much. Some of it I have accomplished. But over the year this blog has changed, evolved. It has gone to more about me then writing. It includes my writing, art, crafts, but more my life.

January to May I was planning the wedding and missing my fiance who was in Alberta at the time. I lost friends, gained a new respect for the ones that stuck around. I experienced my very own stagette!

May we were married and that started a whole new world for me, but at the same time it changed nothing. It was amazing and something that feels so fresh and yet so old at the same time.

This fall brought many pains. September was a very painful month for my family. We experienced great and terrible loss with my new Uncle and my Oma passing away. My (great) Aunt also had a fall which I beleive she is still recovering from.

Winter showed a little happiness as my husband and I got to enjoy our honeymoon. However, December was not so friendly.

Early November my mother was diagnosed with Colo-rectal Cancer.  There isn't a whole much I can say about it. It will be a fight, we have been preparing for the battle.

In conclusion, the new years has had many highs and lows. It seems in summary that the lows far outweighed the highs. And that may be true. I choose to believe that 2012 will have more highs then lows, the great equality.

Our Honeymoon in pictures.

Playa Del Carmen, Mexico, December 9, 2011.

The view from our bed on the beach. Perfection.

Swimming in a cenote (underwater cave) the water felt amazing. I didn't want to get out!

Hanging around in one of the pools at the resort.

Hanging around in the hammocks! 

Hanging around in the pool again. The water drop makes it look  a bit vulgar, but I'm holding an amazing Banana Margarita! Yummm

Lit up tree on 5th Avenue in Playa Del Carmen

Man dressed up as a Mayan warrior. Scared the crap out of my husband the first time we saw him.

I got to do the zipline! 

We also rappelled down into an open cenote. Andrew loved it!

Andrew biking back from our visit to Nohooch Muul

The view from the top of Nohooch Muul

The climb down was the scariest. You can see me sitting and taking a break. i kept getting vertigo.

The largest Mayan Temple in Mexico located in Koba . This was called Nohoch Muul. Andrew climbed it in one go, it took me a few stops.

Swimming with dolphins was an amazing experience! Such powerful and graceful animals! We were so lucky to be able to spend so much time with them, and to have such access to petting and playing with them! We got to do foot pushes (where two dolphins push you), kisses, dancing, have them swim around us while we pet them, and much more! an addicting experience!