Throw off the baggage and lift me up!

A few days ago I posted a photo on Instagram and Facebook of me lifting my daughter up with the following caption:

Reason #1 for being fit right here! Being able to play with my daughter! Throw her in the air!make her feel as light as a feather! 

It is so important for me to be able to pick her up and cuddle her as long as she wants to. When i was 5 my dad told me i was "too heavy" to be picked up. I wasnt. I was never overweight as a child. But that was my first memory of being ashamed of my body. I never want her to feel that. So its up to me to be strong enough.  

She scraped her knee, somebody hurt her feelings, or is just tired? Mommas gunna pick you up and give you a big hug. 

Follow me @ddpuff

When I posted this on my Facebook page, with the same caption - I got some flack. And that's been bothering me since.. 

Now I want to be clear on a couple things:

1. I don't plan on walking around with her on my hip all the time like I do now. I can already tell she is an independent child. And I know there will be a time (quicker than I want) where she isn't going to want to be hugged by me. So if she is upset and asks to be picked up and hugged, or scraped her knee and wants to cuddle, or wants to be thrown into the pool - I cannot think of a single reason why I wouldn't want to do that for her.
2. This was not an attack on ANYBODY. It was not an attack on my dad, my mom, my cousin, my friend. If you dont pick up your own kids that is fine - you are their parent. Not me. 
3. This is MY issue. We all have baggage from our childhood that we take into our parenting roles. Some people will never spank, because they were spanked too often. Some people demand kids make the bed, because their house growing up was a sty. Baggage comes in all kinds of different sizes and shapes. 

The biggest part that bothered me about the comments - was that it felt like justification for their own actions (#2) and they also felt a bit like the underlying statement was "oh just watch, you'll fail". And that never fails to get my back up. 

But thanks to those comments, I've been able to think a bit more - go beyond the surface of this goal of mine, and think about why its so important to me. (and any good goal setter knows that having a why behind your goals will push you to succeed)

For as long as I can remember being picked up has been a fantasy of mine. The white knight picking up the princess and sweeping her away. When I was a teen it was a handsome boy who would carry me in his arms all sexy like - hell that still plays, except now its Thor, but I digress. 

For so many years I was told I was too heavy to be picked up. My parents both did, my skinny boyfriend when I was a teen did (he also told me I should eat low fat sourcream, because I'll get fat from full fat sourcream. clearly I am better off). These important people in my life all telling me I was too heavy. And this small statement reverberated through me. Something so innocuous, never meant in malice, became a part of my baggage, because I believed it.

Then came my husband. There is no such thing as too heavy for my husband, at least when it comes to me. At my heaviest (that's 220 lbs!!!) he could still pick me up and carry me. But the belief of being too heavy was a hard thing to shed. He's been picking me up and putting me down for 9 years now - and I'm just starting to feel the burden of that issue leave my shoulders. 

So now I am a parent, thinking about all of the things I want to do for and with my daughter, the baggage I want to avoid giving her (#3). And one of the things that has been a steady goal of mine, since I found out I was having a daughter, was to give her a positive self image. I new a big part of that would be to show her I had pride in my own body, but I also knew I would have to watch the statements I said about my body, other women, her body and weight, etc. We already know girls face an inordinate amount of outside influence saying their body isn't good enough. I view it as my job to counter that. 

Since being picked up carries such baggage and underlying meaning for me- I want to make sure that it doesn't for her, and to me - that means I pick her up if she needs it. I know it wont be forever. I'm not going to be walking around with a 13 year old on my hip. But while shes young enough to want it, and innocent enough to still ask for it - I will be there to try my hardest to do comply. 

If my husband can pick my 220 lb ass up, why can I not pick up a 30, 40, 50 or even 70 lb child up? Why can I not make it a priority to be strong enough to do so? I can pick up my 90 lb dog and cuddle with him on the couch, so why in the hell would I not do that with my own daughter when she needs the love? 

So in the end, thanks to the comments for making me think this through harder - to see my own issue, because now that I have seen it for what it is, I can start making sure it is dealt with, off my shoulders, and remains off. And it showed me a great "why", so I can follow through on this goal years down the road. 

Me picking up my niece when she was 10 years old and i was at my most unfit!
See it's very realistic to me!

Week 1 Review of Insanity Max: 30 and my mad gains/progress!

So my challenge group started July 1- Canada Day. Which also marks the start of my personal challenge at getting fit.

My goals were:

1. to complete Month 1 of Insanity Max 30 (video below, if you are curious about what it is).WITHOUT THE MODIFIER!!! eek!
2. to abide by the Max 30 meal plan 
3. to lose 5 lbs

So far, I have done a week and a half of workouts. So far, I am loving it. 

I have also been following the Insanity Max 30 meal plan. Its very similar to 21 Day Fix in that it uses the colored containers for portion control - I LOVE THIS. I can say that enough. I am not hungry, am eating well. It is beyond easy to follow. I love it!

I am going to go on about this a little bit more - these containers are a game changer. No more counting calories bullshit! I can fill my plate with the proper portions, and not feel any guilt. Its incredibly easy - and it takes a huge amount of the stress out, it actually has made the diet portion kind of enjoyable to me - and usually it is such a stressful, almost tortuous part.

I feel like these photos don't do justice to the changes.
But its my progress so far!

And I am having success to boot! Here, let me show you. These are my measurements so far:

July 3/16 July 10/16 Weight (lbs) 178.2 177.2 Waist 38 36 Hips 43 42 Chest 43 41 Right Arm 12 11 Left Arm 12 11.5 Right Thigh 24 24.5 Left Thigh 24 24 Total Inches 196 190 Total Difference in Inches 6

This is awesome to me! I never used to take my measurements, all success was based on weight  - and clearly, weight is not a good indicator of my success. Because, hello, I only lost 1 pound - BUT I ALSO LOST 6 INCHES! Boo Ya!

One awesome thing I noticed the last few days  - the fit of my necklace has changed. A few months ago it was mid chest, just below my collar bone, now it almost hits my cleavage! My daughter also seems to have noticed, and loves playing with my necklace even more than usual!

It is truly awesome to be feeling good in my skin again, I cant tell you that enough! I'm starting to feel sexy again, not to mention the confidence I get every day as I can do the harder moves on the video... and, well I could go on and on :) And this is ONLY after 1 week! I cant wait to see what I'm like at the end of these 30 days, better yet the end of the full 60 days of the program! 

As mentioned above - here's what Insanity Max 30 is. It is hard, but it is awesome! "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you!" - couldn't be more true about this program!!! If you wanna try it, please send me a message and we can get you started!

Sick and tired of sick and tired

Hey moms, this one's for you!

Today I am burnt out.

• I've been battling a cold the last few days. 
• E had like, no naps yesterday - which meant not the best sleep last night for either of. 
• She is also way clingy since she started realizing I can leave her - even to the point of me not being able to go into the kitchen, of which there is a cut out so I can still see her and her see me! 
• Its rainy and windy and that just drags the energy way down
• I have had a headache for 3 days straight

Combine it all together and... I'm just tired. 

But that's mom life, right? Yeah. I'd love to say WRONG, but none of those things can be helped. 

So what do you do when this hits? Let it. Today has been a lazy Netflix day. (I did clean the floors, so theres that - but thats pretty much daily with all the dog hair, thanks summer!) I am going to do myself no good if I push too hard. I tried to get in a work out this morning, tried to max out with Sean T... but no. 30 seconds in I realized I didnt have the energy to give it my all, and I'd probably to my body worse. 

But know that doesn't help with the guilt. I went to the pool with Liz yesterday and was totally exhausted afterwards - of course she refused to nap ALL DAY so I didnt get to nap, which I honestly really needed. So no workout yesterday. Though to be fair to myself, going to the pool and constantly holding 20 lb baby is a bit of a workout. Not to mention the permanent squat walk you must maintain to keep  yourself and her under the water, but maintain control so neither drown. So I kind of worked out. 

I still feel guilty. BUT I am reminding myself that I need to let myself be sick. I need to take care of myself. And so long as I maintain a healthy diet during the time I'm sick, there is nothing to feel guilty about. 

Remember that, moms, when you're burnt out. We are amazing, powerful creatures - us moms, but even we need a break sometimes. 

Conversations with Me, 40 lbs ago.

I've been thinking about this for a while now - what would I say to a younger, and heavier me to get my butt (literally) in gear?

I am now almost 40 lbs (thanks pregnancy) into my weight loss adventure. Its been a few years, but those 40 lbs came off with little to no suffering and through a lot of adjustments, breaks (and gains), mourning and re-starts. But I still made progress. I am lighter than I was, and that would not be the case if I never started.

So, if I could have an honest chat with myself before I started this... what would I say?

If I'm honest, I would call myself out on being lazy. Oh, I had excuses! I work full time, so I don't have the time. I'm exhausted. Salad is gross. and on and on and on it goes.

Those excuses are bullshit.  Fact is: I was Lazy!

• I worked full time - no I worked 8 hours a day. I had, easily, 4 hours outside of work to do something. What did I do - I watched TV or Netflix, or played video games, or went shopping, or read. Just FYI, 3 of those items you can do on a treadmill, elliptical, or stationary bike. If you work out for half an hour OUT OF FOUR HOURS, that's basically nothing, its 1/8th of your evening. For the love of god, just move! As I heard someone say - I spent more time thinking about exercising  than actually exercising. JUST DO IT! 
• Exhausted? Really?! Post baby me laughs, evilly in my own face! You don't KNOW exhausted (yet)! Seriously though. You're tired because you're lazy and fat. Yup. I said it! Honestly, if you worked out every day, even just a little bit - your body would eat it up (and not like it eats up everything else). Its a compound effect. When you start working out, you gain energy! The endorphins are crazy good for that, and I'm sure there's some sciency reason to back me up on it.  (oh here it is!) But, take it from (healthier) me once you start working out, you will discover that you get tired much less quickly!
• Salad? Ok Salad can be gross. Key is to find the right salad or health food in general and balance for you. Personally I need my salad loaded with veggies beyond lettuce, nuts and a bit of cheese and chicken. I don't need to go to the effort of eating it, if I'm going to be starving half an hour later - add something (healthy) that will help keep you full! Realize that you need to feed your body good food in order for it to run well. Stop giving it junk! Once you get through the withdrawals from junk food and crap - you'll love eating healthier, and hate how cheat meals feel afterwards!

I'm going to call myself out now - prepare, this is going to be painful:  You were stupid lazy! Get this! You work 8 hours a day sitting at a desk. SITTING! Lunch break comes around, what do you do? DRIVE TO LITTLE CAESARS and get a pizza or stuffed cheesy bread and pop. Then you drive back to the office. LITTLE CAESARS WAS LESS THAN A 5 MINUTE WALK AWAY! THIS IS WHY YOU ARE FAT! 

Seriously, fatter me - look at your life and the choices you make. This is why you got that way. The energy it would take to walk to Little Caesars (or better yet, Subway, two stores down!) would eliminate itself. The fresh air, getting your blood and muscles moving - it rejuvenates you. You would feel better after 1 minute of walking, if you just. did. it. 

So, having had this slightly angry conversation with my younger/heavier self - I can say that a big part of weight loss, is the loss of the weight on your spirit. I was weighed down by these limitations I had put on myself. I wasn't really that tired, hell, I didn't understand what true exhaustion felt like. I was mentally tired. But it doesn't take much brain power to work out - follow a video, walk on the treadmill or around the block. Half an hour of exercise does so much for you, refreshes everything - so after that work out - instead of feeling tired and rung out - you feel like you can actually enjoy this time you aren't working. You don't have to wait for the weekend to feel like a living human again! 

There is a mind shift that happened with me. At some point, I stopped thinking "ugh, a half an hour of working out is so long! its going to take foreverrrr!" or "I'm too tired to do that" to "it's only a half hour. I'll be done in no time!"  or "Just get it done, then you can rest without it bugging you." 

One of the things I find myself saying to myself more often now, is "why not? what's it going to hurt?" This goes for all things I used to be too damn lazy to do. Whether it be chores, household projects, working out, etc. It takes just a fraction of my day up - it will not hurt me, and will in fact benefit me, and when I am done I can have that much less on my to do list/or that much less of a burden on my shoulders. I can relax guilt free. 

And let me tell you. Sitting on the couch, after you know you kicked ass in a workout - is the best feeling! You know you deserved that break. It just feels amazing! That couch is patting you on the back so hard! Good job!

So - I'm curious now, what would you say to your younger/unhealthier selves? Let me know in the comments!

Renovating of the Gym

As promised in my last entry, here is a post about renovating our spare room into a totally awesome basement gym!

We have a standard raised ranch (or BC Box, Bi-Level, whatever you want to call it) home. The previous owners just loved to smoke in it, and generally keep on with a state of disrepair... unless of course it was adding themes to a room. Boy did they love themes. E's room used to be the "voices of the sea" room. It had a giant mural of Orcas. With a banner. Ugh. Its now perfectly calm and serene and one of my favorite rooms of the house!

But back to my current favorite room - the gym.

We used to have the workout gear set up in our detached garage - which worked perfectly fine before I had E... and not in the winter, because it wasn't heated. Well we decided we wanted to move it down into what was our guest room so that I could use it easier. Too cold (even in the spring!) to take E out there to sit through my workout. And too far if I needed to quickly pop into her room while she was napping. So in order to move it, we needed to reno the room!

My husband wasn't so keen on renoing it. We have an entire house to reno - and it was just one more project for him (in his defense, he does have one serious to-do list.) So it was mostly on me to do it. The work was mostly cosmetic - and since I am a firm believer that I can do anything, off I went to transform it!

Now, I totally forgot to take photos before I started. But it had ugly wallpaper. Very floral. Very unattractive. Peeling in some spots. I found out later they had wallpapered over some outlets. Oh joys.

Step 1: Peel the wallpaper off. That was pretty simple. Peeling off the glue on the other hand? Well that sucked. Okay sucked in comparison to the ease of peeling wallpaper. Little foreshadowing here? Maybe.

Step 2: Peel off wallpaper glue. This was a pretty easy process too. Fill a spray bottle with like an inch of fabric softner and the rest warm water, then spray and scrape. Super easy. Spray in smaller  areas cause it dries quick, and you have to scrape while its wet. But it comes off pretty easy.  Side Perk - super fast way to great rid of any old room smell and replace with overpowering fabric softener smells.

Step 3. Paint. I went and bought some miss-tinted paint at the local paint store. We had left over primer, so I just went to town with that.

           











Step 3.5: Ombre Wall! I knew I wanted to do one ombre wall with some left over colors we had.

To do the ombre wall I painted in sections. Grey Blue and White.
You will need a paint tray and roller in each of these colors. Then, when I did the second coat I started the ombre. I started at the bottom, but it really doesn't matter.

Started with Grey on my roller, did the full strip of grey, then added some blue in the tray and had it meet up to the blue strip.

Then I painted the straight blue and rolled a little bit down into the grey/blue part, it mixed a bit on the wall. I alternated the rollers a bit to figure out the type of blend I wanted. You have to work quick, because you want the paint to still be wet while you're blending.

Same process with white - Painted white, and slowly added some blue to the white, then rolled down.

By the way you will want to paint on a horizontal line, not vertical.

Step 4: Remove ugly-ass carpet. Parts of our carpet were already lifting - so I thought I could do it. Turns out I am not Wonder Woman, contrary to my own belief. The underlay had been glued down, so my husband needed to use his brute strength to rip it up for me. Hoo-ra! Once that was done I realized I had a much more daunting, horrible, torturous task ahead of me - scraping off the glued on underlay!

Step 5: Scrape off underlay from hell. Not much glamorous about this. Grab your ice scraper and start scraping. Prepare for callouses and sore arms. It took a few nap times for me to complete this. And luckily my old roommate came by and helped with a chunk. Yay for extra wo-man power!

Step 6: Bask in the glory that is no underlay on the stupid floor. Seriously. After all that work - bask - for like a week!

Step 7: Not necessary but totally cute window decals. You can get this at pretty much any home improvement store. You just spray water on your window and add them like a normal decal. Super cute. Ads privacy but keeps the light.

Step 8: Move equipment/set up gym. Moving the big "cage"/cable machine was mostly on my husband - he knew how to do it, it was big - I let him. I helped him move the pieces down and helped him set up, but it was his project to do so. But then I go to do the fun stuff, set it all up!



I put up photos from when we were more fit, when we were doing active things we liked (zip-lining in Mexico, playing paintball, my photo from Color Me Rad, etc) basically anything I thought would inspire us.


I added white boards with my workout schedule, and inspirational quotes. Added a chalk board with Word of the Day exercises (in case I wanted to mix it up a bit), mirrors so we can see how SWOLE we are getting... just generally prettified the room.


We got some of those puzzle foam mats from Walmart and put them in. The fun part about an older house is that the rooms aren't actually perfectly square or rectangular - their rectangul-ish. So There was some custom puzzling on my end. But I got it. Even hijacked some of my daughters smaller foam puzzle pieces so I could spell "Work It" on the side. I know. Sheer Genius!



I am so happy we (but mostly me!) did this and so happy with the outcome. It looks amazing! And I can tell you,it is a pleasure to work out in! Just another way I'm making sure I have no more excuses!

Love My Ombre Wall!!!

Mirrors, Rower, Cable Machine aka "The Cage"! I love our Gym!

Operation: Prep

It's time. Time to prepare to kick my own butt in gear.

Am I the only one hearing the Rocky theme right now? dundundundunduhh eye of the tigerrrr

I have a plan. A super-awesome, slightly daunting, might be really hard - plan.. But its a plan. 

I am going to attempt, after nearly a year and half, to basically jump back into my pre-pregnancy fitness routine. Yes, I am aware it sounds crazy. 

Pre-baby, I was working out 5 days a week! Woo crazy pants! That was on top of working a full time job! This time, I'm a mom (so full time job doesn't begin to cover it) so scheduling it will be hard. And being sore afterwards its just going to involve getting the F over it, because guess what - E doesn't care if I'm sore! So... its daunting, and scary, but I'm so stupid excited for it. 

So here's my plan. We recently moved our gym set up from the garage (brr too cold for E to hang out) to our basement. (Blog post here! I'll write a blog post soon about that process, because I did most of the reno work, and though its all superficial, I'm proud!) Now that it is moved, and set up - I have 0 excuses! None. Nada. Zilch. Capiche? And in true Deirdre fashion, I'm just going to go balls out, head first, full tilt into it. Holding back is for losers, and playing it safe. Right? 

So the plan.

The type of person I am, I need a defined exercise regime. I need to know exactly what I am going to be doing, in the order I will be doing it before I start. I hate wandering around, machine to machine, or in this case, corner to corner, trying to figure out what to do. Its unproductive, and a waste of time. I like to know what I'm going to do. Do it. And be done. Boom. 

So I have a giant white board with THE PLAN.

Oooh. Ahh.

Monday

Wide Grip Lat Pulls

Concentration Curls,

Dumbbell Curls

Hammer Curls (oh so curly)

Chainsaw Pulls 

Incline Pull Ups

Tuesday
Bench Press
Close Grip Bench Press
Pec Fly
Tri-Extensions
Dips
Push-up/Incline Push-up
Bench Fly
Dumbbell Press

Wednesday
Squat
Lunge
Plank - 45 sec
Leg Extension
Leg Curl
Hooping - yeah I am that hella fun!

Thursday
Incline Push=up
Kettle Bell throws
Clean and Press
Weighted Calf Raises
Rowing Machine

Friday 
INSANE MAX 30 (once I get it) 

I typically take the weekend off from planned exercises. Even though I'm on mat leave, and weekends don't really matter - I'm still stuck in the mindset of them being free time. But having two days off gives me time to make up for a workout I may have missed, or to do fun stuff like walk the dog, or do any of the 10 bajillion household projects I have lined up - none of which, sadly, involve sitting on my butt catching up on Supernatural. Damnit.

The Beast we moved downstairs.

Begin Anew

It's been a while. Gee, how many posts have started with that?
I think the last time I wrote was about my New Years Resolutions in 2013. Ah, we've had 3 years pass since then. A lot has happened in 3 years. In as close to chronological order: we got pregnant, my mom passed away, a few days later I had a miscarriage, I spent a large amount of my time dealing with that - losing myself in fitness and weed (strange coping friends), we bought a house, spent more time getting fit, got a dog, went on vacation, did fun stuff, got pregnant, had our beautiful baby girl... and BAM, 6 months later here we are!

So, as you may have guessed my daughter is now 6 months - so we're in the middle of growth spurt hell - or as I like to call it, no sleep for mom. I do get some sleep, but her schedule got all messed with her recent growth spurts so we're trying to get them back - naps, sleeping through the night, the whole lot. So far last night was a success in that she didn't think 4 am was wake up and play time. Yay!

I am still breast feeding, and plan to for up to 2 years. It is better for both of us, health wise. I could give you a slew of links to prove it - but you can also look them up yourself. If she weans before that, so be it - but I will be giving her my milk as long as I can, though maybe not necessarily from the boob as she gets older.

So with breastfeeding I have the added benefit of burning more calories - so I got pretty close to my pre-pregnancy weight right away, about 5 lbs off. I have been craving carbs since she was born - hello sleepy body needs fuel, and also... well I'm breastfeeding, can't I just eat what I want? Yeah no. Stepped on the scale yesterday and realized I was up 6 whole lbs from my last weigh in, which was only a few weeks (and meals of not giving af) ago.

So, I made the daring step to sign up with BeachBody. I've heard really good things from friends and acquaintances alike, so I decided why not. I signed up as a coach, because why not? I have lost a total of 40 lbs since my highest point in 2011. It would have been 60 lbs, but there was some gain back while I dealt with some tragedies (see above list in last 3 years).

So in the upcoming days, weeks, months, hell even years - plan on seeing more posts from my about BeachBody, coaching, being a new mom, even our renos, DIY's, etc. Pretty much, look forward to reading my life!

I look forward to hearing from you all!