Andrew is flying home tonight. Which is YAY because I miss him, but sad because that means he's not going back to work. Turns out his old injury is still showing up and he can't do the work. Though he is still technically employed in the company, but not on the rig. So I don't know how that will work for EI, but hopefully. Now because he was making killer cash that does mean that we won't be as stressed, as this comes just after cut off time - so it's a full (almost) cheque for him. Which is pretty damn awesome. The shitty part is there's no severance because he just started.
Now in all of this I don't doubt that we will be just fine. I just wish, for once, that things would work out well. Ever since the fall we have been just above that line of struggling. And right now, the world is struggling, but damn it I want a solution! Sure we're young, and Andrew certainly didn't have the head start I did - but then I didn't have the head start a lot of kids living with mommy and daddy had either... so we're a bit behind the ideal. I chose a career that involves lots of stress and brains, but doesn't make a lot of money - and Andrew is still searching for his career. Though he once had it and I pushed him from it. What a good wifey I am (sarcasm and self hate).
And now I am confused about all the options of "free" eduction from the government. Hello primeinister wanna-be's. If you want easy votes throw free education our way and you'll have it (add in student loan grants for me and I'll make the people I know vote)!
Looking back, I wish I had chosen a profession that could lend itself to working from home on day's off. Like being a hair stylist, or an aesthetician, or - I don't know. There isn't much of a need for a typist when everyone can type.
I paint, but commissions are far and few between, and pretty much just pay for the love of painting - not my life. I wish, oh I wish, that some gallery could magically find me and make me a star, but those things don't happen when I've only been painting (seriously) for 3 years. Not to mention the lack of training behind me.
All in all it seems that Andrew and I keep heading down and getting stuck in the same rut of: living in our ho-dunk town, working jobs we don't love, and not able to progress. I do feel like I'm spinning my wheels, and I'm sure he does too.
So what do we do? I keep my head up most of the time. That's probably why I am such a pessimistic person, all my optimism is taken up by keeping my head up and pushing on.
I have known my whole life that I am not made out to be a woman who finds a man to take care of her. I have always known that I would need to be an equal - though through Andrew's recovering from his injury, I certainly would have enjoyed a break.
I know this sounds a lot like bitching, and it is. Yes, this is full out bitching because life threw a fast ball. It's been doing that a lot lately.
In conclusion. I want to be a kid again.
No comments:
Post a Comment