Is it time for some space? The relationship between my characters and I.

One day I was sitting at work and this blurb came into my head that I had to write down (see below). There was no escaping it for an hour it swam in my head interrupting everything I wrote at work. (I am sure some of my co-workers questioned the e-mails with misplaced words about relationships and weight gain)

There wasn't some fascinating spontaneous start to their relationship. It wasn't exciting, it hooked them, but if the beginning of their relationship was a romance novel, it certainly wouldn't have earned any awards or a place on any to be read list. They started as so many young couples do; as a one night stand that stuck. There was nothing romantic, and honestly it was sort of shameful, in a, you either laugh when telling the story or cry; it's the kind of beginning you lie to your parents about.

They were now somewhere in the middle of their relationship, the beginning was over, the ending wasn't here yet. Lara, the heroine of this story was not like most hero's, she had the body that resembled her mothers... now, not her mother back when her mother was skinny and hot, she had her mother's body now, after 2 kids, the shitty part was she hadn't even had kids yet. John was the hero. A man full of pride, which exemplified his star sign of Sagittarius, and lived life to the fullest, including his stomach which had doubled in size since their first meet. Of course their first meet was not a very good preview of what would be. Lara was at her peak of fitness, being not fit at all but being 19 on a diet of alcohol and the foods that made the rolling stomach disappear the day after; and John was just out of high school, his body still rigid from the 5 different sports teams he played on, and of course the body building that accompanied such a life style. Now they were tubby, the tubby couple as John said with some humor and softness and Lara said with bitterness and contempt.

I had to continue, so this one blurb turned into 50,000 words and months of writing and teeth gnashing, hair pulling and crying.  My version of blood, sweat and tears : enamel, hair, and tears.

This blurb has been edited quite a few times, but still remains basically the same. To me it's full of my signature "voice", sarcasm, and wit. Or at least that's what I hope is put out to the world.

This blurb moved into a whole story where the characters took on personality traits completely individual to them. Sure Lara has some of my traits, but I like those traits, and yes John has some of Andrew's, but they moved past that into being completely different people. Like friend's or siblings. The story also moved past what it started as. It started as a way to get out my feelings when Andrew and I went through a rough patch. So one fight or argument that started me writing this turned into a story about completely different things, about a relationship so far from our own. But the words, the feelings, I took from my own life. I think that makes them that more organic.

So being this close to my characters I, naturally, am close to their feelings.

Andrew and I have been doing pretty great this past year. We have stresses, of course, but we are getting married, Andrew is coming off WCB into a less then promising job market, and well there's just life. So yeah we fight and bicker. But the point is that we are better when all is said and done. We fight and argue and will again, probably many times in our relationship. Once we're done being mad or angry or frustrated we go back to loving each other. We say sorry. We breath and talk about things and I try to be cooperative (Andrew is much better at that than me). If we didn't fight, we probably wouldn't be together.  

So when my characters fight and break up or spew angry things at each other, I feel their anger, hurt, pain, etc. When my character cries my heart lurches in response and suddenly I need Andrew home from what he is doing because I'm working on the scene.

Two nights ago I was editing the major emotional scene in the book. This is the point that everyone with a heart should be crying (so I think), so obviously I was. I started bawling. I then reached for my phone to call Andrew and demand he come home. The feeling stayed with me through the next day. So all yesterday I was mopey as if me and Andrew had actually had this horrible fight that my characters went through. 

So how do you separate your characters emotions from your own? Or is the point that you shouldn't. You should feel what they feel. You need to feel what they feel. Part of me thinks that's true, but I don't like cursing my day because my character had a bad one.