Mom has been battling Colo rectal cancer (and how asinine is it to still be referring to the type of disease by it's location! shouldn't we have it by strain or something?) since the end of last year. Early March we thought she had it beat after her surgery, but apparently we were wrong. Mom has been having some pain and has been doing well with being in contact with her doctors, to pushing for tests and solutions.
Last Monday we found out that the latest scan showed that mom had a tumor in her liver. Yesterday we found out that (after her team of doctors had look at it), that it was not one tumor, but 5.
The diagnosis is not good. The doctors have given mom a few months if left untreated, but because she will be pursuing treatment, the time is more around 24 months, 2 years.
This all seems very abstract.
To think there is a high probability I may lose my mother before I am 30...that I can't seem to wrap my head around. It just seems so unbelievable.
To anyone who knows my mother, they know she is a vital person. Just full of life, spunk, and fighting spirit. She is a staple in any one's life, and has such wisdom that we all find ourselves asking for her answers.
Mom will be pursuing alternative treatment as well. Especially after many articles have spoke of the University of Alberta and their success with "DCA" . This has given me a sort of mission, steps to take and things to do. It gives me the perfect excuse to not pay attention to the giant elephant in the room.
I usually avoid sticking my head in the sand, I prefer to see the negative coming, prepare defenses, etc. But in this case I am digging a nice deep hole for my head to go in. I don't want to think of the inevitable, but would like to concentrate on life now.
I am also being rather sickeningly positive. I find my relatives speaking of death, and all I want to talk about is the opportunity this gives. How many people have the opportunity to live, literally, every day as if it were their last. To have that push to say things you would not otherwise had the courage to say, to live so that, at the end of the day, you have no regrets?
I have asked mom what her bucket list is and she has only 2 items. One is to see me pregnant and the other, well that one is personal to my sister. That's so mom. To give us a list, of what should be her most selfish thoughts and desires, instead the only 2 things are things that she knows my sister and I both want, so desperately. Many of you well know Andrew and I have struggled with getting pregnant, and finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So though mom has a bucket list that is unselfish, I have one for her, that is not. I want mom to enjoy the time she has here. Quality over Quantity, if quantity is not to be had. I want mom to travel as she couldn't before, to swim in a cenote with me, to be spoiled and pampered. I want her to enjoy every drop of every day she has. Most of all I don't want her to worry, about money, bills, me, anything. To attain this the family has began numerous fundraising operations. The most popular, currently, is Bread for Betty with proceeds going to mom's bills. The complete proceeds of all my paintings goes directly to mom. As well, in the planning stages, is a benefit concert and market, there's even a top secret project. :)
I leave you with a picture of mom and me from last year February.
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