I found myself, last night, straying from my usual. Perhaps the stress of life - coming to terms with all last year meant, life's stresses, residual from the holidays, plus mom's cancer - has pushed so far into me that I have no choice but to do what I never do, paint my feelings.
I've always found it to be wishy-washy, painting your feelings. Since my feelings are often conflicting, I always imagined the painting turning out to look, time and again, like a stormy clouds coming or going. But this time I just let it go.
I concentrate on one big issue in my life: Mom's cancer. She's been going through treatment the last 3 weeks. The first week the chemo was so strong that she lost 15 lbs and needed to get an IV everyday she was in for Radiation to try and get some fluid into her. Last week and so far this week she has been off chemo. She needs to be able to eat and drink normally before they put her back on. The worry, of course, is that she could be one of the people who has such a horrible reaction to Chemo....and if she does, what does that mean?
So I was concentrating on that, the range of emotion I've gone through in relation to cancer. I found myself making a painting, which to me, represented hope. It always starts off bleak, the first time you hear the news - you think the worst,t hen there's moments of light, moments of hope, as you get stronger your fight gets stronger, sometimes you see those dark moments again, but you just keep getting brighter and brighter until hope is natural, hope has become reality.
The painting itself is a little abstract, it's all new for me.
So without further adieu, here's my feelings:
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| Hope. Still wet |
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